Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!

Wishing you and your families a Happy holidays! Whether you find yourself surround by loved ones this year or home alone- here is a track listing of my favorite Christmas songs to fill your life with the Christmas Spirit.

Merry Christmas and God Bless us everyone!

Tom Petty- Christmas all over again

Band Aid- Dont they know its Christmas

Willie Nelson- Pretty paper

Beach Boys- little saint nick

Darlene Love - Christmas Baby please come home

Elvis- Blue Christmas

Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmas Time

Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad

Johnny Mathis - The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Trans Siberian Orchestra!!! Christmas Eve/ Sarajevo

Bruce Sprintsteen- Santa Claus is coming to town

Gene Autry- Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Bobby Helms- Jingle Bell Rock

Burl Ives- Holly Jolly Christmas

John Lennon and Yoko Ono- So this is christmas (the war is over)

Nat King Cole- The QUINTESSENTIAL Christmas Song!!!

BING crosby- white christmas

Dean Martin- Let it snow

Tom Jones & Cerys Matthews- Baby Its Cold Outside

Frank Sinatra- Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Wham- last christmas

Thurl Ravenscroft - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Saturday, December 18, 2010

the Opinion ZONE

Recently the Palm beach post has orgasmed at the notion of the reaction it can get by asking sheep of palm beach county whether a blond haired blue eyed first degree felon should walk away free with no prison time vs an African American. I am moved of how stupid a newspaper can take its readers for; but then again yeehaw opinion will always prevail here so i'll let you read the colorful opinions in the comment section on your own- but here is mine:

*EDIT* i was surprised to read SOME of the intelligent answers this time in the comment section!

I THINK the palm beach post does an elaborate job of asking a one sided question that can only have a single answer. An unbiased journalist wouldnt resort to childish name calling a 17 year old until she was 21 would they?

Here is a headline for you- Wealthy Palm beach millionaire’s son Robs drug dealer at gunpoint- girlfriend arrested as accessory.

why doesnt the palm beach tabloid delve into the seedy drug dealer, or even bother reporting about the boyfriend? Because the palm beach toilet paper post can sway a troglodyte opinion and create pressure in a court room all in the name of sensationalist media.

Carrot juice

I made the mistake of drinking Lakewood Organic 100% pure carrot juice this morning and almost spit it out all over my open refrigerator. It was rancid tasting and my only assumption is that it has gone bad, but its shelf life is comparable to ancient Egyptian embalming techniques- if you look in the microscopic print underneath all the advertising quotes about 100% PURE carrot juice, they include that contains lemon juice...
Everyday i thank god for inventing the internet. So look online to see if my bottle has a recall or contains a stomach virus in it- and low and behold i find other disgruntled patrons of Lakewood Carrot juice. lmao by far this review was the best and most helpful- whoever you are my hats off to you sir:

If you like bitter Carrot Juice buy this!, October 23, 2010
Ret Hink "Ret Hink" (Out there) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Lakewood Organic PURE Carrot Juice, 12.5-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12) (Grocery)
I love Popcorn because it is salty and has no pudding in it, and I love Lobster because it its soft and sweet and has no spam in it and I love carrot juice because it is sweet and hopefully, when labeled PURE CARROT, has no bitter additives like lemon juice, organic or not, in it.

First Indiana Jones found the "Lost Ark of the Covenant", then the "Mystical Stone from the Temple of Doom", then "The Holy Grail" and finally the "Palace of The Crystal Skull"...But the loser still cant find "The Lost Lakewood Bottle of Real, Honest 100% "PURE CARROT Juice" Minus Lemons" not without "Short Round" anyway.

I tried to leave "no stars" or fewer cuz, I felt and tasted the pain of other misguided customers, I spewed out my first rancid acidic taste of this clearly labeled, "PURE CARROT" Juice. Lakewood's knucklehead faux pas is their troglodytian approach to the label design. I can easily read "PURE CARROT" and "PURE" again, just above the illustration of "CARROTS ONLY" (but nada lemons), but in much smaller print at the very bottom of the label and below the CARROTS ONLY illustration (sans lemons), it mentions "enriched with lemons", 1% to be exact, which means 99% of their marketing team make O'Donnell look constitutionally wise.

Intentional or not, it aint the keenest marketing approach to "thinking" consumers. To paraphrase a wiser woman, "You might want to rethink those ties." (LABELS in this case)~ E.Brockovich ~. Even Juicy Juice was smart enough to clear up their ambiguously labeled products. Today's McFly FYI word of the day is "PURE", and brought to you from my sponsor, "Merriam Webster": PURE : unmixed with any other matter. As in Gold, Pure Gold, Jerry. (I watch tv and commercials, does it show?)

For an amazing ride courtesy of the "short bus marketing team" see the label here:
Click on the photo and zoom in to find the 1% of Einsteinian logic or lack there of. Finding the PURE BS or at least 99.9% requires no zoom, matter of fact arms length, like in a grocery store aisle is close enough to be misdirected.

Ok Lakewood, so, think what you will about my criticism be it glib, harsh, frank, curt or possibly even unfair or totally wrong. On the other hand, I think not but I would love to be proven wrong. Are you game for a little challenge: Get three 3rd graders, heck even three 3 year olds and give them each 3 crayons, green, yellow and orange. Now ask them to draw a picture for the label of juice which contains, "carrots and lemons" or if your brave enough for a real acid test, "lemons and carrots." All I am saying, is give 3's a chance! In a world of scams, rip-offs and misconceptions and honest and be excellent to one another.

No hard feelings?

Ret Hink aka Curt Frank article seen here

Saturday, December 11, 2010


Being a Latin male is a ridiculous hypocritical world of pure machismo and passionately over whelming emotion.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Beware of Cookie Monsters

'Cookie Monster' gets no prison time in robbery, kidnapping case

By Susan Spencer-Wendel

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Updated: 4:12 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 2, 2010

Posted: 5:19 a.m. Thursday, Dec. 2, 2010

— Stefanie Woods, who gained notoriety as the "Cookie Monster", pleaded guilty this afternoon to two felonies punishable by life in prison: kidnapping and robbery with a firearm.

Then she got the break of her life: a sentence which won't require one day of just sitting in a prison cell.

Circuit Judge Amy Smith sentenced the 20-year-old to a year in jail which she has already served and ordered her into a Department of Corrections drug treatment bed. Smith told Woods she has one chance to successfully complete drug treatment there, then will be placed on two years of house arrest and eight years probation.

"A lot of people won't be happy about this," Smith said. "But I think it's the right thing to do, and it's my decision."

Woods pleaded guilty in her "best interest," a legally distinct plea where a person acknowledges only a jury could convict of the crimes charged. The robbery and kidnapping charges stem from a incident last year where police say Woods along with two men robbed a man of his prescription drugs.

Smith told Woods the her main problem is that addiction, as well as being addicted to "horribly bad boys" and "publicity." Nothing would change in her life, the judge told her, until she conquers that addiction. She asked Woods if she thinks she can complete treatment.

"I can do it," Woods said.

If Woods tests positive for drugs, she will face from 15 years in prison - what prosecutor John Parnofiello asked for at the sentencing Thursday - up to life in prison.

But, the judge said, she wanted to give Woods a chance, citing her young age.

"You are at the point where there is no turning back," Smith told her.

Woods, manacled in waist and ankle chains, then returned to jail.

She will be released to the drug treatment center when a bed becomes available.

In 2008, Woods helped a friend steal $168 from a 9-year-old Girl Scout selling cookies outside a grocery store. The crime took on a new life after Woods and her friend seemed to brag about it to a television crew.

"Who doesn't like money?" she said at the time. "I mean I know it's a crime. But it's an easy crime."

Here is my letter to the Staff Writer:

How necessary do you (as a so called unbiased journalist) and your tabloid news organization find it to call a 17 year old girl a "cookie monster"? One would think after 3 years you can let it go but thanks for the reminder at the bottom of every single article. I love the title you came up with too- "no prison time" would lead people to think she is walking away scott free. This wouldnt possibly be to insight any sensationalism would it? haha congratulations on your recent news reporting, but not once in a year did i ever read the headline: "Millionaire drug addict son and his girlfriend rob drug dealer and are facing life in prison". Im not a reporter and i could figure this out just by reading the police report. Also a year later and not a breath has been uttered concerning the boyfriend or the drug dealer- but who cares we have the cookie monster right?

<3 Eric

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


what the FUCK is a "wheelbarrow"? i just found out ive been calling it a wheel-barrel my whole life...

Score another one for English realization

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Music is art

Pandora is the new face to my discontent. Why do they got to make it this difficult lol

On the subject, here is a clever article:

Artists do better in a world of illegal file sharing

Thursday, October 21, 2010

How to assassinate a hot Russian Spy #3675

i found this on go-ask-alice several years ago, and added it to my collection of things to know...

"Yes, it's a true but very rare occurrence. When air is blown or forced directly into a vagina — without allowing any air to escape — an air embolism (the abnormal presence of air in the cardiovascular system) could form, which can be fatal. Women who are more at risk for this unlikely possibility are those whose pelvic vessels are enlarged (meaning, increased blood supply to the vagina) due to a condition such as trauma and possibly pregnancy. So, if a very large amount of air were to be blown or forced into their vaginal canals, it's possible that the air could enter their bloodstream, causing a blockage in a blood vessel. As a result, some of these women, perhaps including the pregnant women's fetus, may experience complications. In extraordinary cases, some of these women (and the fetus) may die if the embolism travels to the heart or lungs."

Monday, October 18, 2010

Eric's Authentic MFing Keylime Pie

Baking a Keylime pie is probably the easiest thing in the world to make. My Moms and I made it all the time when i was a kid; when i got a little older I got to be totally in charge and it was one of my claims to fame. When I have kids i'll have to continue the legacy with them- except maybe a slight deviation with the recipe... You see my Mom and I after mixing the ingredients and constructing the pie- we stuck it straight into the freezer and served it an hour later. It didn't occur to either of us until many years later that we've been eating raw eggs this whole time and that we were supposed to cook it first!

Let me also add that I make my own pie crust and its transfat free ladies so you can still get fat but not die of a heart attack on my watch. So for a random change of pace here on my blog- here is a Keylime Pie recipe from a true Floridian:


  • 1 large pack of cheap Spanish cookies
  • 1 Stick of butter
  • 4 or 5 egg yolks, beaten
  • 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
  • 1/2 cup Nellie & Joes Key West key lime juice
  • 1 (9 inch) prepared makeshift transfat-free cookie crumb crust


Mix the cheap Spanish cookies and melted butter and press them into a pie plate. Bake in a preheated 350F oven for about 10 - 12 minutes until lightly browned. Place on a rack to cool. Treat all minor and major burns accordingly.

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (190 degrees C).
  2. Combine the egg yolks, sweetened condensed milk and key lime juice. Mix it pretty good but dont go crazy. Pour into makeshift transfat-free cookie crumb crust.
  3. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Allow to cool. Now throw it in the freezer and hold your horses for a hot minute until its good and cold- then eat it.
Serve with a dollop of whipped topping or garnish it with lime slices. Remember i ate this shit raw most of my life and it was the bomb before cooking fucked everything up- so don't overcook it or it will be all rubbery!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010


I got handed a last minute promotional gig for jose cuervo; and spent all weekend on the beach working. After this weekend, Ive officially become what i love to hate...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

3rd party names

I go through Several aliases when filling out forms etc; so its always funny to hear the clever names i get called when my information is sold to 3rd parties. I had a telemarketer call today asking for a "MISTER... is MISTER there? is this MISTER?"

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

pen15 club

You know an average white out pen goes in the stores for about $3 and change.... so what about ebay?

Here is an interesting listing...

A little over $14! what a deal... can it get any better?? YES! another seller with a more prestigious listing

Hey maybe im just stupid and he forget to mention hes selling an entire box of them for $21... But lets find out

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Prank VS Crank

What is the difference between a prank and crank phone call? I searched google and found this answer on a forum:

"A prank call is a practical joke made by a child or childish person, usually out of boredom. There's some humor involved-- though not always for the person targeted.

A crank call is a type of prank call where the person is old enough to have better ways of entertaining himself, or is motivated by pathology of some sort. Crank calls aren't funny, and usually they're intended to be scary-- or antagonize in some way.

A kid making a prank call will target no one in particular, usually, and ask a setup line like "is your refrigerator running?" If you're duped into saying yes, you just made his day-- and he says "well you better go catch it!"

A stalker or malicious gossip making a crank call usually knows who he's calling, and doesn't like that person. "Do you know where your wife is right now?" is the kind of thing he'll say, and then hang up. Or single women will be called by a perv who doesn't say anything, just "breaths heavy" and delights in any annoyance or fear he causes. Iago might call Othello and hang up without saying anything, to cause suspicion-- the idea being that the call was for Desdemona, and Othello wasn't expected to answer.

Bart Simpson call's Moe's tavern with pestering "is Mike Hunt there?" jokes, and Moe calls the name out and gets ridiculed. That kid's a little wickeder than most, so his phone calls are in that grey area where prank becomes crank. If he's still doing it later in adult life, and it's still Moe he's plaguing, then Bart has evolved into a crank caller."

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Pnut Island and the Kennedy Bunker

After 5 long years i returned today to Peanut island. The last time i visited this nefarious place was in the summer of June 24th 2005. On this day 5 years ago my Comrade Chad and I decided to explore the island before it was to be reconstructed later (as it is known today) as an attraction of amusement by Palm Beach boat enthusiasts, partiers, freeloaders and well wishers. That day we relived our childhood curiosity of 3rd party stories containing people who actually went inside the bunker. Rumors of a presidential seal at the bottom etc. I have always been fascinated by things, people and places that can be so prestigious not so long ago but derelict in its present time.; that I could have access to it- if i wanted it badly enough. We tried our very best to somehow get inside but it was a failed attempt, being that we had no tools or the amount of strength to get force our way inside a nuclear fall out bunker. Upon leaving the island we decided stupidly to swim back ashore... and long story short- if anyone has ever tried to swim around the area they would be weary of the fierce current in between the island and the dock. We both nearly drowned in the process. Most people these days who ever tried swimming in that current wont believe we made it as far as we did- thanks Chad for saving my ass at the very end.

5 Long years later on this memorial day, September 6th 2010; i returned to the island. Several friends of mine were enjoying the new park, hanging out on the beach and attempting to socialize with palm beach county's finest civilian leftovers from a #1 college summer vacation destination. It wasnt the best day to go i was told; Not that i dont enjoy seeing people have a good time but i felt that the people dancing on top of the boats were living a shallow and empty lifestyle. Something i could compare to live stage acting, except all the characters are trying to play themselves and to me it played out more like a community theater performance. After that we came back and i volunteered to stay with our stuff so that my friends can try their luck again. I sat on the beach and reflected about the last time i visited the island. This started from the moment i entered the parking lot and approached the tikibar at the dock, and perpetuated as i sat on the sand. When they came back I announced several times if anybody was interested in seeing the Kennedy Bunker. One of my friends expressed enthusiasm but was distracted ultimately by playing football. I used the excuse of going to find the mensroom to relive my quest from half a decade ago and to find the bunker. While scouring the island i noticed the small details of landscaping and park re construction that was never there my last visit. The island is now an official park, an attraction to campers and the open public- so i began to worry if the Bunker was even accessible- looking at all the barbwire separating the exterior boundaries of the park. I started to visualize myself drastically jumping the fence and risking it all just to catch a glimpse at the bunker doors one more time and compare it to the memories in my head from 5 years ago. Its hard to believe this much time has passed by since then, but as i pressed on walking through the island came a familiar feeling to me.

I didnt know what time it was and I was trying to remain conscientious that we had a ferry to catch back to shore. In order not to swim back to the dock and avoid a repeat what happened last time- i began to run toward my unknown destination. I dont know why there is something retarded about running in sandals, maybe the schlepping noise it makes. The afternoon was overcast as it was, and had been raining lightly for over an hour. I sped my way across the island until i saw the reddish rooftops of the historic guard tower across on the treeline. That is when i knew i was in the right direction. I came across a large landscaped grassy area and saw the new coast guard building and a gift shop, and then the old guard house- I ran up to the closed giftshop to ask these two girls ducking the rain for directions. After the words came out of my mouth i thought of the spectacle I made of running through a field in the pouring rain, nonchalantly taking off my sunglasses and asking them where the location to the bunker is. They pointed me in the right direction, i thanked them and disappeared again. I sprinted in my sandals across the field and made my way to the official helicopter pad. I stopped briefly and remembered how derelict it looked before. Its been restained now and had a USA emblem repainted at the bottom. As i stepped onto the landing pad i imagined myself being escorted off of the presidential helicopter with jfk himself walking with me towards the bunker door. With nuclear holocaust nipping at my feet i pressed on and saw the ominous pod door. I approached it with reflection; noticing every little detail and recording everything in my head while comparing it to what i remembered previously. The door i remembered was painted red 5 years ago- which is now a newly painted military desert camouflage. I grinned to myself at the new paint job and how appropriate it was in context with today's politics. Some things never change, almost 40 years later and we are still in perpetual war. I re read the official sign informing me about the possible theat of an end of the world scenario and how the president would of ducked here in case it all went down. Its hard to believe there was a time humanity's finger was pressed against a launch button during the Cuban Missile crisis and that this is where my favorite president would of bunkered- in my very backyard inside palm beach county. The sign itself was cheap but honest. It reminded me of a grim future that never happened. When you see the door you notice how heavy it looks; it is a morbid reminder of the time and not something eloquent in any way-at the same time i saw it as the hope for humanity. there was no corporate sponsorship, no advertising- just a poor excuse for a history lesson paraphrased on a sign, some old shrubs and basically a huge rusted metal door in the sand that would of housed the president of the united states to broadcast messages of confidence to the rest of our dearly surviving patriots. I couldn't resist to give the door a knock. what followed was a deep echo that answered me back from inside. I always thought the way inside the bunker was though a latch on top and that you had to climb downward. I observed a long pipe that could of been used for that alternative way inside, exposed and sticking upward high above the ground level. what remains is the main entrance is secured with a padlock and this strange exit door which may have been added later (possibly for the display exit?). It was a bit of irony because the backdoor looked more like a bedroom door from the inside of a house. Of coarse i reached for the door handle to see if it was open, and before i slowly turned it i noticed that someone has desperately twisted the door handle to the point of almost breaking it off. No luck for me either, as i guessed, it was locked.

This entire time it was raining and i have been getting soaked. As i sprinted across the field back into the direction in which i came i looked back one more time at the door. With the water hitting me in the eyes, my newest memory felt blurred like a dream already and i knew if i ever saw the door again it would be remembered exactly the way i saw it at that very moment. As i walked back to shore and met up with my friends; they all knew already where i really went. There is a lot to learn from this more than a morbid fascination; from our mistakes we can appreciate the life we have. Peanut island was the gates of the end of the world and a place i almost drowned. After 5 years i came back and there was no way i was going to leave without seeing the Kennedy bunker. It was something that i didnt want to do but that i had to do again!!!

This photo isnt mine i lifted it from Flickr to illustrate my point. I wouldn't of added it to the blog unless it was but i figured you would of googled it anyways

Sunday, August 22, 2010

What is graffiti and who does it?

"In the rigors of thug-life, graffiti is one of the primary mediums for Urban Expression. The life of a thug is not a nine to five world, instead the day consists of getting up around 12:00 p.m., partying all afternoon, selling a little drugs in the evening, a low-ride cruise through the 'hood, maybe a drive by shooting or two or perhaps a gang fight, and all that topped off with a night- cap of graffiti and running from the police. Sound Fun? But the graffiti isn't entirely wanton destruction of public or private property, it has an inherent quality that to the untrained eye can go unnoticed. Graffiti is the textual language of Urban Expression. Between the lines there lies a code and message to read and understand. Those who don't or can't, face retaliation in the form of a beating or death"

brown pride! craftsmanship is everything

Thursday, August 5, 2010


you know i just noticed that the Better Business Bureaus isn't registered with the Better Business Bureaus... but if they were i wonder what their score would be

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


you know what would be cool? if i got spam emails about learning how to get into debt, reducing the size of my penis and watching girls read books on live webcam

and with that... i cue the music

Friday, July 16, 2010

Looking for a new gym

Well ive resorted to looking in the yellowpages and calling around for a new gym. My old one is in gardens and lets face it... i go to gardens like once a month. Even though the membership is only $10 a month- i got to find something by me.

Heres one i found in the yellowpages- with a great review! haha i had to share, cheers to the good people of West Palm for spreading love where ever they have to.

1/5 stars

Horrible Gym!!!

Provided by
This is a dirty, disgusting gym. DO NOT JOIIN!!!!! I found the daycare girl laying on the couch with custodian instead of watching my children. The bathrooms are disgusting and the employees are idiots. DO NOT JOIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


In my constantly ongoing quest to find the perfect aerosol spray can depressing actuator tip (cap) i ran into this industrial website forum with a guy who was looking for a particular as well for a different purpose- and was responded by this awesome post.

(click to view full size)

or you can see it live here:

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Kicking the habbit

This was my total annual toll house cookie consumption haha.
I took this photo 6 months ago before i moved out of my old apartment.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Wheres my water pistol at?

so i won a new watergun on ebay for practically nothing and its been 2 weeks; so i sent the seller a question to ask if he sent it yet? and here is the answer i got:

"HEY MAN it was sent out last week. It was slow to go out since my nephew was murdered and i was out of town for his funeral. ALso when i got back my motor blew up in my car and I had to wait to get ride to post office since we live 25 miles from post office and don't have delivery here at home since it is a rural area and we have PO boxes. thanks"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

the Dentist

So I just got back from the dentist...

He took some xrays of my head and told me that im going to have to get my wisdom teeth removed. He recommended a few oral surgeons, talked about costs and then installed a small rain cloud above my head. i think he forgot i was there to get drilled so after the x rays he was all happy to say good bye and see other patients walking in; when i was like "what are we going to do about my cavities?" . His demeanor changed and he told me to come back to the chair and quickly jostled some equipment together and gave me a single shot of novacane, then served 2 patients. "Nurse... Magazine please" and i was handed a Car and Driver magazine. At this point i was sort of paralyzed and just stared at the cover for 20 minutes without even opening it. For the past 10 years there has been a painting of a serene image of a lake and clouds and a poorly rendered floating mountain in the distance; but since last week it has been on the floor. I couldnt help but overhear him asking the old woman how her dentures looked and if she liked the shade of pink on the gums- and them complimented how real they looked. Earlier i filled out a health form to update there file; and one of the question asked if i thought my oral hygiene was important and why haha. Then it asked me if i ever considered dentures, and i circled NO and when asked why I said " too expensive".

Im glad he squeezed me in but when he started drilling my tooth i couldnt tell him how excruciating the pain was because my mouth was clamped open with rubber tubing everywhere. I figured the look of terror in my eyes and whimpers of submissive agony that came from me were a non verbal signal but he assured me what a tough guy i am. I wish my ego was big enough to take the pain out of my tooth while it was being hollowed out with a drill. haha this is just a self confirmation of the perverted nature of a dentist and why he chose this sadisti profession. in the end i shook his hand and thanked him for causing me the worst physical pain i have felt all year and booked another appointment for 2 weeks from now.