high anxiety

I know I been accused of repeating this in the past, but that was sincerely the worst flight i've ever had in my life. As we began our descension, i swore we hit a pocket of bricks and a loud BANG that threw me nearly to the ceiling and bouncing left to right. People moaned, the plane shook and the pilot quickly rapped an unreassuring "please prepare for landing". The Caballero to my right and I both yalped aghast at the same time as the plane jostled us around; although he didnt speak a word of English, when i looked at his pale face, I recognized the familiar language of paralyzing fear. I'm nearly positive the woman to our left shit herself; as the Caballero and I road this horse all the way to landing, my grip leaving a permanent impression on the seat headrest in front of us. As the final nail drove into the uncomfortable hard landing, I felt the image of my spirit momentarily glitch outside my body, then it was finally all over. The Caballero and I exchanged the strongest grip handshake ive ever delivered and shared a momentary laughter of terrified relief. When I got off this flying piece of metal, I kissed the Earth like I was praying to Mecca. Although every part of me wants to scream out "i'm NEVER flying ever again" I know realistically that is not an option. So instead I just say FUCK FLYING, FUCK IT FOREVER!!!!

Hurricane tips

Seemed like a good idea to pass this on:

A few 🌪️hurricane tricks for Floridians who are seasoned storm veterans:

1. Share  memes laughing and taunting the hurricane while its still a week out and off the coast of Africa.

2. Deny it can ever hit your location and try to remember the last time a really bad hurricane happened in your recent memory.

3. Live your life casually and make plans for the weekend as if nothing is happening.

4. One day before the hurricane hits, panic and buy all the cheap price gouge-free bread there is on the shelf, leaving dozens of other unprepared floridians to starve.

5. Nail a used door to your sliding glass entrance and refreshen tape to all windows, since windows already had disintegrated tape from previous hurricane 1 decade prior.

6. Throw all chairs and patio furniture into neighbors pool.

7. Get drunk and walk around barefoot during eye of the storm to survey damage.

8. When the storm is over, leave the house to buy more bread and speed through intersections without traffic lights.

9. Consider looting your local dollar general and any unattended generators you come across.

10. When power is restored, post on facebook about how this storm wasnt so bad meanwhile 70% of people in your city still have no power and are  repeating points 7-10.