Saturday, December 18, 2010

Carrot juice

I made the mistake of drinking Lakewood Organic 100% pure carrot juice this morning and almost spit it out all over my open refrigerator. It was rancid tasting and my only assumption is that it has gone bad, but its shelf life is comparable to ancient Egyptian embalming techniques- if you look in the microscopic print underneath all the advertising quotes about 100% PURE carrot juice, they include that contains lemon juice...
Everyday i thank god for inventing the internet. So look online to see if my bottle has a recall or contains a stomach virus in it- and low and behold i find other disgruntled patrons of Lakewood Carrot juice. lmao by far this review was the best and most helpful- whoever you are my hats off to you sir:

If you like bitter Carrot Juice buy this!, October 23, 2010
Ret Hink "Ret Hink" (Out there) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Lakewood Organic PURE Carrot Juice, 12.5-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12) (Grocery)
I love Popcorn because it is salty and has no pudding in it, and I love Lobster because it its soft and sweet and has no spam in it and I love carrot juice because it is sweet and hopefully, when labeled PURE CARROT, has no bitter additives like lemon juice, organic or not, in it.

First Indiana Jones found the "Lost Ark of the Covenant", then the "Mystical Stone from the Temple of Doom", then "The Holy Grail" and finally the "Palace of The Crystal Skull"...But the loser still cant find "The Lost Lakewood Bottle of Real, Honest 100% "PURE CARROT Juice" Minus Lemons" not without "Short Round" anyway.

I tried to leave "no stars" or fewer cuz, I felt and tasted the pain of other misguided customers, I spewed out my first rancid acidic taste of this clearly labeled, "PURE CARROT" Juice. Lakewood's knucklehead faux pas is their troglodytian approach to the label design. I can easily read "PURE CARROT" and "PURE" again, just above the illustration of "CARROTS ONLY" (but nada lemons), but in much smaller print at the very bottom of the label and below the CARROTS ONLY illustration (sans lemons), it mentions "enriched with lemons", 1% to be exact, which means 99% of their marketing team make O'Donnell look constitutionally wise.

Intentional or not, it aint the keenest marketing approach to "thinking" consumers. To paraphrase a wiser woman, "You might want to rethink those ties." (LABELS in this case)~ E.Brockovich ~. Even Juicy Juice was smart enough to clear up their ambiguously labeled products. Today's McFly FYI word of the day is "PURE", and brought to you from my sponsor, "Merriam Webster": PURE : unmixed with any other matter. As in Gold, Pure Gold, Jerry. (I watch tv and commercials, does it show?)

For an amazing ride courtesy of the "short bus marketing team" see the label here:
Click on the photo and zoom in to find the 1% of Einsteinian logic or lack there of. Finding the PURE BS or at least 99.9% requires no zoom, matter of fact arms length, like in a grocery store aisle is close enough to be misdirected.

Ok Lakewood, so, think what you will about my criticism be it glib, harsh, frank, curt or possibly even unfair or totally wrong. On the other hand, I think not but I would love to be proven wrong. Are you game for a little challenge: Get three 3rd graders, heck even three 3 year olds and give them each 3 crayons, green, yellow and orange. Now ask them to draw a picture for the label of juice which contains, "carrots and lemons" or if your brave enough for a real acid test, "lemons and carrots." All I am saying, is give 3's a chance! In a world of scams, rip-offs and misconceptions and honest and be excellent to one another.

No hard feelings?

Ret Hink aka Curt Frank article seen here

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