Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Last day in chains...

In a few hours i will be having my final hearing in court. This is IT.... the moment ive waited for, for 6 years. Could this mean freedom? I am only optimistic at this point. Without getting too nostalgic the past 6 years there has not been one single day that has passed where i havent been reminded of my legal situation. I am not the kind of person to censor myself, my liberties or my abilities- but then here i am. I have been sick with apprehension to this final moment; as if the last 6 years all rolled into 3 weeks of standing on the head of a needle. I think back of all my experiences both negative and positive. One thing is for sure i live my life, maybe with an ounce of jealousy at times, but never a single moment of regret. I think of all the ways the legal system, the sheriffs office, judges, lawyers, corrections officers have made my life hell but it pales in comparison as to how it has hurt my family watching me helpless as i suffer. Nobody will ever understand my torture except my closest friends and family, because observed it first hand. Lucky enough the last few years i have been living alone and can hide them from the burden; but colorful little reminders around every corner always popping their head up without fail. I abstain from expectation; i am confident and optimistic about tomorrow and about moving in a new and uplifting direction- living my life again.

I leave you on a personal note of a single moment written down on the back of my restitution payment from December. I have made a smiley face on the back of every $200 monthly payment traditionally for 5 years up until this very letter. I am curious about the person who works in the mail room in Tallahassee who has to collect dozens of restitution payments. What thoughts they had seeing mine every month?

This may surely be my last letter written in captivity.

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