Carrot juice

I made the mistake of drinking Lakewood Organic 100% pure carrot juice this morning and almost spit it out all over my open refrigerator. It was rancid tasting and my only assumption is that it has gone bad, but its shelf life is comparable to ancient Egyptian embalming techniques- if you look in the microscopic print underneath all the advertising quotes about 100% PURE carrot juice, they include that contains lemon juice...
Everyday i thank god for inventing the internet. So look online to see if my bottle has a recall or contains a stomach virus in it- and low and behold i find other disgruntled patrons of Lakewood Carrot juice. lmao by far this review was the best and most helpful- whoever you are my hats off to you sir:


If you like bitter Carrot Juice buy this!, October 23, 2010
By
Ret Hink "Ret Hink" (Out there) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Lakewood Organic PURE Carrot Juice, 12.5-Ounce Bottles (Pack of 12) (Grocery)
I love Popcorn because it is salty and has no pudding in it, and I love Lobster because it its soft and sweet and has no spam in it and I love carrot juice because it is sweet and hopefully, when labeled PURE CARROT, has no bitter additives like lemon juice, organic or not, in it.

First Indiana Jones found the "Lost Ark of the Covenant", then the "Mystical Stone from the Temple of Doom", then "The Holy Grail" and finally the "Palace of The Crystal Skull"...But the loser still cant find "The Lost Lakewood Bottle of Real, Honest 100% "PURE CARROT Juice" Minus Lemons" not without "Short Round" anyway.

I tried to leave "no stars" or fewer cuz, I felt and tasted the pain of other misguided customers, I spewed out my first rancid acidic taste of this clearly labeled, "PURE CARROT" Juice. Lakewood's knucklehead faux pas is their troglodytian approach to the label design. I can easily read "PURE CARROT" and "PURE" again, just above the illustration of "CARROTS ONLY" (but nada lemons), but in much smaller print at the very bottom of the label and below the CARROTS ONLY illustration (sans lemons), it mentions "enriched with lemons", 1% to be exact, which means 99% of their marketing team make O'Donnell look constitutionally wise.

Intentional or not, it aint the keenest marketing approach to "thinking" consumers. To paraphrase a wiser woman, "You might want to rethink those ties." (LABELS in this case)~ E.Brockovich ~. Even Juicy Juice was smart enough to clear up their ambiguously labeled products. Today's McFly FYI word of the day is "PURE", and brought to you from my sponsor, "Merriam Webster": PURE : unmixed with any other matter. As in Gold, Pure Gold, Jerry. (I watch tv and commercials, does it show?)

For an amazing ride courtesy of the "short bus marketing team" see the label here:
http://www.amazon.com/Lakewood-Organic-PURE-Carrot-Juice/dp/B0000ZSHAK
Click on the photo and zoom in to find the 1% of Einsteinian logic or lack there of. Finding the PURE BS or at least 99.9% requires no zoom, matter of fact arms length, like in a grocery store aisle is close enough to be misdirected.

Ok Lakewood, so, think what you will about my criticism be it glib, harsh, frank, curt or possibly even unfair or totally wrong. On the other hand, I think not but I would love to be proven wrong. Are you game for a little challenge: Get three 3rd graders, heck even three 3 year olds and give them each 3 crayons, green, yellow and orange. Now ask them to draw a picture for the label of juice which contains, "carrots and lemons" or if your brave enough for a real acid test, "lemons and carrots." All I am saying, is give 3's a chance! In a world of scams, rip-offs and misconceptions and misdirection...be honest and be excellent to one another.

No hard feelings?

Ret Hink aka Curt Frank

amazon.com article seen here

Latino

Being a Latin male is a ridiculous hypocritical world of pure machismo and passionately over whelming emotion.

Beware of Cookie Monsters

'Cookie Monster' gets no prison time in robbery, kidnapping case

By Susan Spencer-Wendel

Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Updated: 4:12 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 2, 2010

Posted: 5:19 a.m. Thursday, Dec. 2, 2010

WEST PALM BEACH — Stefanie Woods, who gained notoriety as the "Cookie Monster", pleaded guilty this afternoon to two felonies punishable by life in prison: kidnapping and robbery with a firearm.

Then she got the break of her life: a sentence which won't require one day of just sitting in a prison cell.

Circuit Judge Amy Smith sentenced the 20-year-old to a year in jail which she has already served and ordered her into a Department of Corrections drug treatment bed. Smith told Woods she has one chance to successfully complete drug treatment there, then will be placed on two years of house arrest and eight years probation.

"A lot of people won't be happy about this," Smith said. "But I think it's the right thing to do, and it's my decision."

Woods pleaded guilty in her "best interest," a legally distinct plea where a person acknowledges only a jury could convict of the crimes charged. The robbery and kidnapping charges stem from a incident last year where police say Woods along with two men robbed a man of his prescription drugs.

Smith told Woods the her main problem is that addiction, as well as being addicted to "horribly bad boys" and "publicity." Nothing would change in her life, the judge told her, until she conquers that addiction. She asked Woods if she thinks she can complete treatment.

"I can do it," Woods said.

If Woods tests positive for drugs, she will face from 15 years in prison - what prosecutor John Parnofiello asked for at the sentencing Thursday - up to life in prison.

But, the judge said, she wanted to give Woods a chance, citing her young age.

"You are at the point where there is no turning back," Smith told her.

Woods, manacled in waist and ankle chains, then returned to jail.

She will be released to the drug treatment center when a bed becomes available.

In 2008, Woods helped a friend steal $168 from a 9-year-old Girl Scout selling cookies outside a grocery store. The crime took on a new life after Woods and her friend seemed to brag about it to a television crew.

"Who doesn't like money?" she said at the time. "I mean I know it's a crime. But it's an easy crime."

Here is my letter to the Staff Writer:

How necessary do you (as a so called unbiased journalist) and your tabloid news organization find it to call a 17 year old girl a "cookie monster"? One would think after 3 years you can let it go but thanks for the reminder at the bottom of every single article. I love the title you came up with too- "no prison time" would lead people to think she is walking away scott free. This wouldnt possibly be to insight any sensationalism would it? haha congratulations on your recent news reporting, but not once in a year did i ever read the headline: "Millionaire drug addict son and his girlfriend rob drug dealer and are facing life in prison". Im not a reporter and i could figure this out just by reading the police report. Also a year later and not a breath has been uttered concerning the boyfriend or the drug dealer- but who cares we have the cookie monster right?

<3 Eric

wheelbarrow

what the FUCK is a "wheelbarrow"? i just found out ive been calling it a wheel-barrel my whole life...

Score another one for English realization

Music is art

Pandora is the new face to my discontent. Why do they got to make it this difficult lol

On the subject, here is a clever article:

Artists do better in a world of illegal file sharing

How to assassinate a hot Russian Spy #3675

i found this on go-ask-alice several years ago, and added it to my collection of things to know...

"Yes, it's a true but very rare occurrence. When air is blown or forced directly into a vagina — without allowing any air to escape — an air embolism (the abnormal presence of air in the cardiovascular system) could form, which can be fatal. Women who are more at risk for this unlikely possibility are those whose pelvic vessels are enlarged (meaning, increased blood supply to the vagina) due to a condition such as trauma and possibly pregnancy. So, if a very large amount of air were to be blown or forced into their vaginal canals, it's possible that the air could enter their bloodstream, causing a blockage in a blood vessel. As a result, some of these women, perhaps including the pregnant women's fetus, may experience complications. In extraordinary cases, some of these women (and the fetus) may die if the embolism travels to the heart or lungs."

Eric's Authentic MFing Keylime Pie

Baking a Keylime pie is probably the easiest thing in the world to make. My Moms and I made it all the time when i was a kid; when i got a little older I got to be totally in charge and it was one of my claims to fame. When I have kids i'll have to continue the legacy with them- except maybe a slight deviation with the recipe... You see my Mom and I after mixing the ingredients and constructing the pie- we stuck it straight into the freezer and served it an hour later. It didn't occur to either of us until many years later that we've been eating raw eggs this whole time and that we were supposed to cook it first!

Let me also add that I make my own pie crust and its transfat free ladies so you can still get fat but not die of a heart attack on my watch. So for a random change of pace here on my blog- here is a Keylime Pie recipe from a true Floridian:

Ingredients:

Crust

• 1 large pack of cheap Spanish cookies
• 1 Stick of butter

Pie

• 4 or 5 egg yolks, beaten
• 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1/2 cup Nellie & Joes Key West key lime juice
• 1 (9 inch) prepared makeshift transfat-free cookie crumb crust

I N S T R U C T I O N S

Crust:

Mix the cheap Spanish cookies and melted butter and press them into a pie plate. Bake in a preheated 350F oven for about 10 - 12 minutes until lightly browned. Place on a rack to cool. Treat all minor and major burns accordingly.

Pie:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (190 degrees C).
2. Combine the egg yolks, sweetened condensed milk and key lime juice. Mix it pretty good but dont go crazy. Pour into makeshift transfat-free cookie crumb crust.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Allow to cool. Now throw it in the freezer and hold your horses for a hot minute until its good and cold- then eat it.
   

Serve with a dollop of whipped topping or garnish it with lime slices. Remember i ate this shit raw most of my life and it was the bomb before cooking fucked everything up- so don't overcook it or it will be all rubbery!!!