Sunday, May 29, 2011

Eric's 10 Year Highschool Reunion: CANCELED!

Everyone is entitled to their 10 year highschool reunion. It is a vital part of Americana that we were talking about even before we graduated. It is embedded into us at an early age through music, movies and folklore. A great way to connect with old friends, see who made it, who got married, who got fat etc. The results are always surprising and it is a great way to reflect on the simpler times of being a teenager.

One of the biggest personal peeves of mine is being left out of things that i feel entitled for. Nothing that hurt me growing up more than getting picked last on the kickball team or when somebody throws a party and invites the entire school except me etc. But here we are years later, semi adults and we learn to choose our own opportunities and embrace the rewards of acceptance from friends, loved ones and the life that we built for ourselves.

On television, movies and to my personal knowledge- the 10 year highschool reunion is sort of a big deal. Before the internet, there were companies that were hired to track people down for events and occasions such as this. Phone calls were made, formal invitations sent, some may picture a gymnasium with cheap party streamers and the highschol garage-band getting back together playing schmaltz in the background. Not anymore!

Enter Stefany Allongo- The marketing Genius that is in charge of assembling our 2001 highschool reunion. Does she do an internet search for the entire class of 2001? Does she use the internet as a easy resource to find everyone with plenty time in advance? Does she send leters, phonecalls, emails or make any effort to contact people? Does she search the DSOA alumni facebook page for users? NO. She creates a facebook event page and invites as many people as her adorable attention span can handle. THATS IT. Forgetting 2001's cast of most memorable characters- but most mentionable ME! What the FUCK. I first heard breath about it a few weeks ago from my friend Mike Guido, complaining about a reunion coming up costing $60!? So yesterday, i see on facebook on a friend status talking about carpooling to the reunion. I thought to myself "oh yeah! we must of graduated in or around May- maybe its this weekend!" Being that i still havent received the invite i wouldnt know. So there i am searching facebook- any word on the Official school's facebook page? Nope. How about the official 2001 school alumni page? Not there either... Finally my friend Mike sends me an invitation to the event. Mike isnt on the Alumni committee but he should be because he made a greater effort than Stefany Allongo. There it is, June 11th- celebrating a momentous milestone with a No Eric's Reunion party at The Living Room Boynton.

Apparently the reunion is smack dab in the middle of my trip to Texas. I remember looking on my calendar and making sure i wasnt going to miss any important events, birthdays etc in the month of June. Oh just my 10 year highschool reunion Stefany, i guess i can see you at the next one in 10 years, no big deal who cares. You miserable piece of SHIT. Your criminal negligence and laziness have robbed me of a great memory and experience. It might not mean a lot to some people- but that is easy for them to say because at least they can say they had a choice.

Let me say this, in addition to asking $60 to attend ones own 10 year reunion party; she also is trying to CRAM into the same weekend her other ventures to donate money to her various benefit societies. Normally a very noble cause Stefany, but cheapened by the idea of first expecting people to pay $60 for entry to their own reunion- then tacking on more money to your organizations. UNLIKE you, several people are married or in relationships- as Guido pointed out that means $120 now goes just to attend your own reunion. Being that this is an art school, the concept of "starving artist" obviously takes no meaning to someone who lives with and works for her parents- according to her bubbly biography on her website. Also let me point out that in 2008 the economy crashed and unemployment rates are higher now than ever. Some people lucky enough to have a job are struggling to keep their houses. No matter how much money you make, if you have kids then anybody would know how stiff a $120 investment is. These are all concepts alien to Stefany Allongo, who lives in a fantasy world, wiping her ass with all of her college degrees while helping sell an openly exposed scam juice like Monavie for her parents and "event planning" which she is so excellent at.

Now i know I dont have 3 college degrees- but let ME play the part of an event planner. I could conservatively say that HALF the graduating class of 237 people are married or in a serious relationship- so that means 118 significant others can be added to the guest list. 237 alumni+ 118 guests= 355 EASILY could be attending- lets be more conservative. Lets say 75 of those people and their significant others live outside the state and make it, that would means realistically well over 280 people can come to this event. Lets LOWBALL it even more- lets say 250 people show up and pay $25 bones- that means i have 7 thousand dollars to put on a serious party. Stefany you on the other hand out of 237 people have only 55 confirmed- that means you get a Failure grade of 23% of people going to your event. If i wasnt going to Texas, i would easily rent out a nice venue and fill the entire building up and charge less than $25 a head- covering food, drinks, decorations, rent, a DJ playing everything from 2001 and a photographer that goes around and takes photos. If i wasnt in Texas then you can put money on it that I would make this whole thing happen on the same night of June 11th.

Stefany this buds for you: for hurting me and taking away a memory from me that i have been looking forward to for a long time.

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